Artwork by Jennifer Ding

Lexa Sypherd ‘27

REPORTER

My, oh my! Who would have thought that I would be sitting here writing an “ode” (which is more like a salutation) to short people? For those of you who don’t know what an ode is, it is a poem, typically addressed to someone or something that you feel much love or compassion for…and apparently I have much love and compassion for short people.

Honestly, I wouldn’t say that’s a false statement. As a fellow, short person, I say we should take all the appreciation that we can get. Short people are amazing, and especially during the month of March. Leprechaun here, leprechaun there, who else would cause the very much unneeded mischief? My point is that short people are the hidden gems in the world. If you sit and ponder it, they have it easy. While the tall giants are dodging door frames and breaking their backs half the time, we shorties are out here living injury free, and ceiling damage free. There are many perks to being short, which include easy maneuverability, always having extra legroom, and low and behold, I’ve even heard that short people live longer than tall people. Watch out: we’ve got eternal youth on our side!

Everyone always thinks that we’re younger than we actually are, but in my opinion, I think that's a perk that keeps on giving. Who doesn’t want to look 15 when you’re 20! I don’t know; it sounds like a compliment to me. However, I think all of us short people can agree that being called “fun-size” is most definitely not a compliment.

While yes, we understand you’re trying to be nice and use every textbook definition besides “short,” to be quite frank, we would just rather take the hit. It might be spite, it may be conspiracy, but I truly think that the tall people secretly envy us. We’ve got the whole package going for us, from scarce calamity, to tight-knit circles, to immortal lives.

Anyways, to all of you short people out there, know that you are seen and recognized. You deserve all the love in this world because you are amazing! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I speak from experience; short people have such a community, and even though we might get bullied, we can all confide in each other on the same level!